Find peace within yourself & be happy. <3
As I embark on day 4 of my personal 30 day mission, I am feeling good.
I know I cannot change any of the mistakes I have made, but I do know that I can change myself to avoid them in the future.
In the past couple of months, I have noticed a lot of negativity coming into my life because of the affects of alcohol.
A few weeks ago I was celebrating the fact that I no longer wanted to get black out drunk, and how proud I was of myself for no longer doing that. What I was personally denying was that I was only really able to do that when I was in situations where or with people with whom I am very comfortable and feel myself around. What I was not accepting was the fact that although I had come to this great decision, that when faced with situations, or people that made me feel uncomfortable or insecure, i went right back to my old ways of overindulging.
My life has changed dramatically over the last 6 months, and while these are very wonderful changes; I now have an amazing man in my life and his two beautiful children who love very much, and who fill my heart with happiness like I have never known. All this happiness comes a lot of situations and feelings that are very new to me, that are often intimidating, and that I am struggling to adjust to. This has caused me an array of emotions, that I am not familiar with and do not really know how to deal with. I noticed I have recently turned to drinking to mask these feelings.
This is where the alcohol becomes a problem. While what I am attempting to do is mask all these feelings when I am faced with the awkward situations, what I am actually doing is getting so drunk, that I lose control of my emotions and end up lashing out. Sometimes at those who cause me to feel uncomfortable, and sometimes at those who mean the most to me, in the end all causing pain and discomfort for all involved.
Now, I am not saying I will never have another drink, nor am I saying that quitting drinking for 30 days will resolve all my problems. What I am saying is that taking this break will help me to process all these new feelings that I have been experiencing over the last several months and to learn how to handle them, as I know there are no people or situations in life I cannot handle. I cannot change a situation, but I can change how I feel about it.
I need to do this for the people I care about, but more important I need to do this for me. I know who I am, I know I need to and can be in complete control of how I behave and how respond to anything. I need to focus on the positive things in life and review all of the recent happening with a clear mind.
I am working to complete 30 days, but at the end of the 30 days I have no intention of going back to where I was…
I do not need to drink to celebrate “its Friday”, or to kill the “today was terrible”
I want to have drinks to celebrate, or when a day is wonderful.
Having a drink should make a great day better, not a bad day better.
Alcohol is not a remedy or a mask for ones problems nor should it be used solely with the purpose of ”having fun”, it should be to make an enjoyable moment more enjoyable or a fun day more fun and should always be considered in moderation.
Life lessons are often learned in the hardest fashion, but with out them we would not learn, grow and change.
I totally know this feeling…. Thank God for texts and skype, but I am always wishing I could reach through the phone/computer and pull him to me… There are days I would give anything just to be able to hug him, smell his skin, kiss his lips… just be together…
Where do you see your future going with him/her?
This is going to sound really cheesy, but that is me so here goes….
He makes all the Cliches real in my world, so I hope he is my last first date, my last first kiss. I think I finally found my “partner in crime” for life. I want to be his best friend, his once in a life time love… I see my future with him, growing, learning and experiencing life together…
He’s my lobster…
"you can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tank holding claws"
When will you see her/him next?
I am seeing him right now, it is our regular weekend visit. I am excited for summer and having the opportunity to have a week night together more often.
I always feel like something is missing during the week, on the weekend my life is complete…
If you could have him/her with you physically for the next 5 hours, what would you do?
well, I am with him right now, but i have to study for an exam and we are all really burned out from the weekend If circumstances were different, I would want to spend the next five hours cooking dinner together, drinking a glass of wine out side under the stars talking, maybe another bubble bath (that was fun!) and then cuddle up in bed. That sounds like a great night…
If you had the money/time/connections/whatever to get him/her any gift in the world, what would it be?
If i could do anything, I would fix his boat. I know how much he loves it, his eyes get extra sparkle when he talks about it. He is like an excited little boy. I know it is causing him a lot of stress lately, and It pains me to see him stress.